Encounters

The few times I've come across death.

Or the idea of it.

Its been about numbness.

Futility.

Randomness.

And sometimes a feeling of being totally helpless.

All the control, cause and effect, effort-reward,

Seems fake. False.

Everything is not as it seems.

Priorities get seriously relooked at.

The celebrated seems puerile.

Goals, dreams, fears all in the realm of the inane.

Unreasonable.

Life becomes about moments.

Lived, loved, smiled.

Lost, fought, regretted.

But each important.

What am I chasing ? And why ?

The journey is not important. It is all.

For it can end. Cruelly. Randomly.

My form, and my function

The Mangalore tragedy today saddened, and also provided a moment of reflection - what if I were to go today. It can happen randomly, after all.

Biologically, at 36, am over the hill. My bit towards the continuation of the species is done. I have participated in a fair bit of economic activity, ensured at least a decent future for the family and kids, and made at least a little bit of a positive impact here and there on society. 

What remains ? What will be lost if a flight I take crashes and I join some random statistic ?

Probably my creativity. Probably boundaries unexplored. But these are unknowns, unburdensome things. So perhaps the best way to live now is freely. Each day. Each decision. As it comes. No isms, no preconceived notions. No "challenges" but mere explorations - whatever and whenever possible.

So that when it happens, there is hardly any regret, and only joy and thankfulness for whatever was possible.

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